Petite Pete

Seems like the real reason Katie Price and Peter Andre is because, little pete has failed to give the glamour model any satisfaction that she (ehem) deserves? He has resorted to take much care of his little "baby" and fondle it and send it off to sleep everynight. Thing is, he has an attachable one, so when night falls and he isnt being promiscious with jourdan, he detaches the velcro straps and lays it in a tank of oil to keep it moist, well hydrated and to prevent rust formation, and release of CH4 methane gas.

His nipples are also detachable, he gives them to princess tiaami as a dummy.

Jourdan sometimes uses them to enhance her bust. not that she needs to, her bust is almost as real as peter's down belows.

What do chiara and ciara have in common? they are both men!

"L.C. im your biggest fan, i'll follow you until you love me, papa papa razzi" Ex-squeeze me chiara, but do you even know l.c? your leeching off her show and getting bare ps for it, and yet you aint even seen her face and you know her whole life story and have the audacity to bitch. You aint too hot your self love. You're Epic Record's equivelent of Elodie from sbe.

noone on the corner has swagga like your mum.

Justin Bobby... is that you? Audrina won't be pleased. Man's chopped his dreads and all, lets hope that thats all he had chopped off since going out with M.I.A (note, din dins chuck is camera shy and we were not authorised to use his picture on this gossip website, sorry.)

spotted: M.I.A, at border control merking the singalese people i.e din dins chuck.

Didn't your mother ever teach you not to sleep with the first person you found, who happened to be din dins chuck, and now she's carrying his baby.

We wonder what Baby Father din dins has to say about this. He don't know, and M.I.A is begging it pretending that she got knocked up by Mark Ronson/ Timbaland/ Danuesh (sexy, can i?)Mathangi "Maya" Arulpragasam II was born on the border and has now been enrolled in the porn star sector at the tender age of 1 day. following in din dins chuck thongsteps. She has claimed that she fly like paper getting high like fsdjkfsfhdsj. we think that the fsdjkfsfhdsj roughly translates to pundai, which means.... pussy. (to be blunt). Din dins chuck was the inspiration for these crude and explicit lyrics and also for the inspiration for the name of her new baby, Kalimikal. This roughly translates in english to Sugar Lips (we're not sure which lips shes referring to).When EPS had researched this, we were reminded about KJ and his rock 'ard fascination for little children, so one word of advice M.I.A, keep Sugar Lips away from this baby eater, cos he will quite literally eat this baby for dinner (the sexual way) along with his perverted bed fellow, Din dins Chuck.

XOXO hello sexy. gossip D. [Din Dins Chuck's closest ally. also had some input from Hanna Schmitz

erotic equus

when daniel radcliffe whacked out his mini wand, it reminded KJ of frank furter. brotherly love.

a tad bit camp when i feel hard as rock

dun be fooled by the rocks that I got, Im still, Im still... kevvy from the block. I know i get my rocks hard and no matter where I go I know where I came from [my mummas womb]

After the release of the not so blockbuster Camp Rock, it did bust something, Kevin Jonas' rock.

He got a bit happy when he saw his younger brothers on screen. And who can forget what Kevin on Camp Rock had said "its not the same only hugging Nick" [we're thinking... threesome?]

Geologists havent seen anything like it before, wondering if it is igneous or metamorphic.

?

?

Here at eps, we wanted to get to the bottom of this perversion of brotherhood so we interviewed him.

EPS: "so, what was your first reaction when you saw the not so successful camp rock?"

K: "everything about my camp, including the rock was a success to me. It's not easy turning the camp rock on."

EPS: "er, too much detail. Kevin please, just cos we're tanned don't mean we're spanish! This blog is PG rating, please be less explicit"

K: " PG aye;) hello little children, have I told you about my little buddy Frank?"

EPS: "i thought it was your brother"

K: "yes, but we play alot. so he's almost like a friend."

EPS CUTS HIM OFF.

xoxo

Hanna Schmitz [guest blogger]

KJ

Kevin: "if you don't hold my hand little sausage, I'll force it down between my buns, that is down where the sun don't shine." Frank: "mummy already made me take out her buns from the oven. they were hot."

"will you teach me how to french kiss a girl?"

shocking. we'd think that you wouldn't need to know, considering how your with a hispanic man. [ayyyy macarina, i'll make you tacos.] therefore, knowing how to french kiss a girl should be the last of you're worries, unless you wana kiss your muma.. or decieve the public in any other way. KEVAAY, what sort of example are you setting to weeeny furter, he's still a baby. You'd think you would know that since you've been helping the little jonas change his clothes and put on his diaper, as well as putting baby powder on his sweet cheeks... and umm.. fiddling. xoxo

Tracing paper on Miley Cyrus' naked body

" புண்டை" *secret mission - find out what it means. Clue: Trace sees it and films it on the regular, it can also be described as Miley's mini Hannah Montana ;) *

The three male Cyrus' (including little Miles) have been battling it out for the top spot to make it big in the UK. Let's face it, Billy Ray, withered with age, ain't even in the 2 younga's league But Trace (hello mummy) Cyrus may have won the Brits due to his notorious insestial relationship with Miley, referring to certain parts of the song (Shake it) about his little sister. Tonight you're falling in love (letting me go now), You lay down but you're clothes are laying right there, and I was thinking of ways that I can get inside .. (yep, also about Miley, rumour has it that when she was a baby, trace would did all sorts of things to her e.g. changing her nappy and then wore it on his head for sick thrills) Miley's Hoedown Throwdown is about her brother's new bitch, Vanessa Hudgens who literally is thrown down when being made love to. Miley also is nearly much loved by the British public as much as Kevin Jonas is hated by the other brothers. you know you love my edible sausage XOXO frank furter (guest blogger)

me. noone will ever know my little, I mean... BIG sexcret ;)

Gaga- goo goo

mah pundai. she's a precious beast, she is.

my butt-butt-butt-erz face my butt-butt-butterz face (ma ma ma ma maaa) she is like a less hot version of Christina Aguilera, and yet she claims that Aggy copied her. NO LOVE. you're the one who copied her, begging it with the peroxide blonde hair and the vocal shizz. XO XO

ELODIE FRICKING BUTTERZ MANBEAST

Elodie from the hills looks like A MAN. not just any man, a Nazi man.

HEIL HITLER! did she think that dying her hair from a beach blonde to a dutty brune would highlight her "beautiful" features.

no love.

you aint got any.

She has also been quoted to say ' ich have kophschemerzen' many times since the new hairdo. looks like the peroxide not only damaged your scalp, your medulla oblongta leading to a failure to look decent.

"ich wohne einen frank furter!" - is that what you said, Elodie to your hairdresser about your manly hair colour? yes it does resemble frank furters glossy locks. She thinks shes hot

when she's the exact contrast of what is beautiful.

she never gets hot and flustered because her mouth has a permanant air gap as her dentures dont fit the jaw in the correct orientation.

Basially..

ELZ IF YOU CAN HEAR ME...

YOU SHOULD REGRET NEVER GETTING A BRACE.

brent bolthouse didn't give you your job, cos the job spec said: one gender only, tell little Elliot better luck next time. I hear that the batty bar Kevin goes to hires Nazi trannies. But then again, men only.

Let's hope that little Frank furter won't decieve the public in the same way as SOSOSO many people in LA have been doing recently.

touché.

Aufwiederzen

xo xo

gossip mutter (umlout on the 'u'. this computer doesn't have my native liguistic requirements)

The [down below] Wizards Of Whorebitchly Place

Well done Vanessa, you slutfaced whorebag. You created a new generation of 10 year olds who post raunchy pictures of themselves on the internet, which eventually get leaked and then the whole world see how butterz you really are when your clothes aren't hiding that bodayyy!

First Miley [need I waste more of my typing time on her] who blates thinks that sucking in your stomach for a myspace posed picture will make her look suggestive, but no. Then little Selena 'omgod lost my v in the park, can you help me find it?' Gomez who's now decided to copy her fellow hispanic gal pal Vanessa and post raunchy photos of herself onto the internet. And there's the beg friend Demi 'La La' Lovato who's also got her [v.v.v.v.v. small guns] out for the camera. Pad them up Lovato, cos there isn't much there.

Aw, babes even got matching bikinis, and matching brazillian waxes...

Dev [il] Patel... Thinks He's Too Hot For His Own Shoes

To get one thing straight, Dev Patel is not a good actor! He basically ruined Slumdog Millionaire. It was a good film until he showed his face on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and basically pulled an extremely shitty 'woe is me' face everytime he heard a question.

It was the little real slumdog kids who actually got the film to win the loads of Oscars and like the hundreds of BAFTAs, not Dev. If the film was just Dev on his stupid ones, it would've FLOPPED worse than the Hannah Monatana Movie, or the Jonas Brother's 3D movie. Well, actually alot lot lot lot worse than the 3D movie, cos he hasn't even got looks to get away with bad acting.

If there's one thing that I hate about celebrities that ironically, its the SHIT ass actors/actresses who make it big, while the little kids are still stuck in India, nearly being sold to trafficing people or having their homes demolished.

And don't get me started on the cradle snatcher of a wifey, Freida Pinto. There was a reason why she was an EX model. She ran out of business cos NOONE wanted her, cos guess what? She's not hot anymore. So really, Loreal and all that stuff, just no. Okay love?

Little J's Crack

What is up with Jenny Humphrey's fringe resembling a butt crack?! Did the producers get bored of her hair actually being well nice and better than Serena and Blair's and decided to downgrade J by like 10 levels and create a beast of a fringe cracked down the middle.

It's obvs that she fancies Eric, but no Lil J... making yourself look more like a man freshly imported from Mexico [the middle parting would suggest so] don't make you more appealing to the batty Van der Woodsen.

But yeah, it does make you look more manly.

Let's hope that Little Frankfurter won't decieve the public in that way.

You know you love me

XOXO

Gossup Lurkah

FO REAL?!

OMGOD! I JUST REALISED THAT HANNAH MONTANA IS JUST MILEY CYRUS WITH A BLONDE WIG!!! SHIT! WHY DIDN'T I SEE THAT ONE COMING?!?!?!?

Sexy Love? Yes... Sexy Sis?... No

Sup!

Here's a pic of Neyo's sister...

phitt-ass..?

In my opinion, only one word needed...

LOL!

She's clearly got the good looks in the fam though tbh...

Cos check out Neyo's face without a cap...

Dayum Bwoi!

A Fly I Wouldn't Mind Swatting...

OMGOD!!!!!! THERES A FLY ON THE WALL... A CREEPY LITTLE SNEAKY LITTLE FLY ON THE WALL! aka miley -bitchface- cyrus. What does she think she's doing on the cover of Teen Vogue?! She's not the embodiment of natural beauty (She looks like she's had botox) and she is not a good role model for teenagers (cos shes a S-L-A-G) She's everything I hate about 15 year olds wrapped in one annoying thick voiced package! God! She's so lairy and in the video of Fly On The Wall, she genuinely thinks she's so hot grinding in mid air and tossing her fake extensions around the place to an electro beat! And really, put that malnutritioned stomach awayyy! Seriously, these slutty pics of you aren't making me feel all hot and flustered. I'm not getting turned on at all... They're not even provocative or anything. If I was a boy, I wouldn't be impressed (aaand yet Nick Jonas fell for it, defiling his purity ring... maybe he still keeps it on when doing his business cos he likes the way the cold metal feels on his hot skin) basically, in conclusion... I HATE MILEY CYRUS!

V No Longer A V?!

Spotted: Little V doing things with prettyboy Zac Efron on the beach and not just sun bathing and volleyball may I add. The rauchy slag who's already managed to degrade herself by posting naked pictures of herself on the internet has gone further and was witnessed giving Efron a bj. jeez vanessa...

V

Tis be a sneakers night *cheap shit trainers glow in the dark* basc what we gotta do is daynce *in my fat ass echoe trainers* basc what we gotta do is daynce basc what we gotta do is daynce... no love. clearly god didn't bless you with a lyrical mind if you must make my ears bleed and sing about your dancing shoes being hench chav boots, then allow it. get someone else to write your lyrics. and them seductive poses she pulls during the video... sheeesh. She genuinely thinks that shes got so much swagger.urgh

Oh Nicholas! Who Knew You Had It In You?!

Maybs its cos of the lack of nookie he gets but when old flame Miley Cyrus wasn't satisfyed due to his frigidity... Nick Jonas seeked other ways to get himself haps down there apparantly fingering himself with his purity ring, (TOTAL ABOMINATION OF WHAT THE DAMN RING STOOD FOR!) he likes to look through photos of the Hannah Montana star butt naked or occasionally wearing her see through victoria secrets which have apparantly given the diabetic jonas "uncontrallble erections" sick. the whole lot of them we have kev whos ba''ty making out with some immigrant, taking the whole "mi casa tu casa" thing to a new level joe whos a man whore and does "occasionally get hard" and then nick, who defiled his PURITY ring by getting substances on it... lets hope that "bonus jonas" Frank Furter won't decieve the public like these 3 rascals did

The Three Musketers

spotted: kevin/paul (whatevs his real name is) jonas kissing a hispanic man in a batty bar in LA. looks like little K is confused about his sexuality and yet is claiming to be christian with his gleaming purity bling and yet going against the bible... tut tut we hope little Frank Furter won't decieve the public in that way.

move on...

BOO HOOO. TWEEARDWOPS ON MAH GEETAR. *single tear falls down cheek* alright love, i think we all get it, you were hurt. Appaz her man Joe Jonas cheated on her with 10,000 BC's Camilla Belle on the set of the Jonas Brother's Love Bug music video. We feel for you, we really do... but HOW MANY FRICKING SONGS do you have to release in order to get over the fact that your man cheated on you, jeez. Didn't see Aly from Aly & AJ exploit the fact that her and Joe Jonas broke up time ago and write like 10 songs about it. some advice yeah - get out more. so far it looks like the only source of inspiration you have for song writing is this one breakup. FYI, just cos he moved on quicker than you did, don't mean he cheated .. EPS x

SCHERINZINGHJKDER

so we have a woman who claims shes half pakistani who wears next to nothing can dance, but can only do slutty dances like grinding on a pole like a dutty hoe is clawing it in with Lewis Hamilton who looks like half her age and yet, she has the cheek to wear a sari which skims her breasts and sings JAY HOE. no mate, its 'jai ho' and she's sung the whole song out of context to the innocent slum dog origins!

I'll make you hot, Get all you got, I'll make you want to say Jay Hoe!

why does she have to sexualise everything?!

YO YO YO

sup homies,

basc...

we cuss down and big up peeps,

we scrutinise your clothes and also we're LA's version of gossip girl for the young posh and loaded

EPS

x